HOW DO YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH THE SAME WOMAN EVERY DAY?

I wish someone has taught me this…

Is it possible to fall in love with your partner despite your differences?
Can you forget and redeem your marriage after several crises?
Is it possible to find love, intimacy, and mutual support again?
Is it possible to experience an even deeper connection every year?

Relationships are based on mutual connection.

They go through stages. The first stage is all about excitement and chemistry. But once the pink cloud passes, our personality surfaces with all its insecurities. Some relationships don’t survive this stage, some grow stale, and some deepen in love with every passing year.

How is this possible?

When I got into the first relationship that was remotely working well, I was, let’s say, far from being ready.

My parents divorced. As a kid, grown-ups seemed to suffocate rather than thrive in marriage. Marriage was a glass half empty to me. Therefore, it’s not a surprise I couldn't see myself being happy in one, EVER! Which became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

After the second year of being together, I got scared, I put Anita on a train and sent her home. One time, I got insecure, and I almost had an affair. And one other time I buried myself in work so much that it just made more sense to her to ask if I want to divorce.

Oh boy, those were very close calls! But as hopeless it might’ve been then, as hopeful, as it is now. I never knew it was possible, but I fall in love with the same woman every day. So, you might ask; What made the difference?

One; WE ALWAYS VALUED OUR RELATIONSHIP MORE THAN OUR DIFFERENCES. This inspired us to choose back into our relationship even when things got hard.

Two, well, that was a personal transformation...

A GLASS HALF-EMPTY OR HALF-FULL?

In the early years of our relationship, after the excitement phase passed, I grew more and more unsatisfied. We seemed to be a real problem. Maybe we’re just way too different.

You see, I've always been neck deep into self-development. I've always been restless, pushing myself for better or worst. Anita is much more laid back and grounded. She can actually enjoy a good Sunday evening with Netflix. A trait I couldn't appreciate for a very very long time.

It's not just that I didn't appreciate it. I outright judged her; LAZY. I thought that my unsatisfaction is her making. GOSH! I saw our relationship as half-empty. And it became one. A little bit emptier with every single day. Over the years I grow more and more unsatisfied. It felt like everything is getting so tight, that it could burst at any minute. Like I’m in life’s factory-grade compression machine.

This went on for years. We went through a couple of crises, mostly because of my insecurities. I felt lost but one morning everything changed. After one particular crisis, I was sitting on my meditation pillow, reflecting.

Why am I so unhappy?
How did I end up here?
Is this the life I'll have to live?
Or should I bite the bullet and quit this relationship?

I was so hopeless that I was finally ready to surrender what I know. I wanted to hear the truth. I sit in silence…Then it hit me! A voice that’s both loud and quiet but clear as day:

"DROP THE JUDGMENTS"

I confessed to myself:
Who am I to tell to anyone how to live?
Who am I to judge?

Then...

Quietly, I stood up from my meditation pillow. She was still sleeping. I gave her a kiss on her forehead and promised that I'll let HER be WHO SHE IS. I’ll just stand out of the way and let things BE.

From that point, I just let her. I just let her BE. And she?

She naturally grew into the woman I’ve always wanted to be with.

You know, I created a problem where there was none.

It wasn't her fault.
We weren't too different.
There was no problem.

I just had to drop my judgments and let the relationship grow like a flower grows when you let it.

THE TRUTH IS:

Anita is an incredible woman! She is lovable, wise, inspiring, sexy, and beautiful in every meaning of the word! She is someone you can count on, she stands by her friend and loves her family beyond measure. She is an excellent artist, an affectionate lover, and my best-best friend. She taught me so much, not despite, but BECAUSE of our differences! We fall in love more every single year.

Couples have differences. No news.

But...

One couple's incompatibility,
Another couple's complementary.
It's a matter of point of view

Magic happens when you’re willing to see your partner for the person who She/He is.
Glass half-empty, glass half-full are both self-fulfilling prophecies.

You choose.

If this hits you in a special way, don't hold back! Have that conversation with your partner or yourself. And let me and others know the insight you're taking from this.

With love,

Viktor Sághy