The Horse, Called; “Fairy”
I grew up as a town boy. We fought with wooden sticks between rigid concrete blocks...or geeked out on computer games. When I grew older, I moved to an even bigger city. I do enjoy the buzz of the urban environment, but if I hadn’t had the chance to experience a different kind of life, I might have become a very different person.
In my teenage years, I was fortunate enough to spend a few summers on ranches. I will never forget the scent of the misty mornings, the singing reeds, and the golden sun as I'm pushing my bicycle through the mud-covered road.
Working on ranches really was good for me. It made me value hard work and I grew to appreciate the much simpler values in life. Values, that I find mostly extinct in today’s modern existence. I do believe every young man and woman should spend considerable time in nature when they grow up.
In secondary school, I fell madly in love with a girl. Her family had a ranch with a variety of horses...beautiful and mysterious creatures.
Often, I found myself watching them. My “town-boy-mind” couldn’t put them into place.
Such primal creatures!!!
If you approach a horse with uncertainty or malevolent motives, the horse will sense it. In a weird way, she will sense WHO YOU ARE! You could say, they have some kind of uncanny social ability. They sense your very being.
I was in total awe and I had to understand them! But understanding horses is not something you can do from books. The only way you understand horses is by being with them. This story is about one of these encounters. And her name was Fairy.
Fairy was a fleabitten-grey horse, slightly bigger and older then the others. A "fleabitten-grey" horse is light-grey horse, covered with tiny dark spots. From a distance, they look like they are covered with flies all over... hence the name "fleabitten."
Another thing you should know about Fairy, is that she wasn’t like other horses. She was a "one-person-horse."
A “one-person-horse” is a strange one. She only accepts one owner. She won’t let anyone else into her trust. If her owner dies or leaves, she will close off. As a result, “one-person-horses” are very suspicious souls. In fact, they can even be dangerous to someone who doesn’t take the time to understand their sensitivity. They are regarded as difficult to manage, so many ranch owners simply give up on them. There are debates about whether the "one-person-horse" theory is true. It’s a little bit of a grey or "fleabitten" area if you like.
Like any “one-person-horses”, Fairy was very much of a loner too. She always grazed alone and the staff didn’t involve her with other horses. It seemed like they had just given up on her.
During my time on the ranch, over and over I found myself fixated on Fairy as she went about her day. She was so full of grace and I was pulled like a magnet. But the staff always told me; "Leave that horse alone; she is crazy!"
I couldn’t.
For weeks, I have been yearning to make a connection. Till one day, I took the first step. I was walking towards her and we both acted like we didn’t notice the shrinking space between us. In my head, it was going to be like in the movies: me slowly touching her nose and she hesitantly giving in. But it was nothing like that! She ran away, and I felt utterly defeated.
But couldn’t let it go. I had to make a new attempt every single day. I was bitten and kicked, bitten and kicked, over and over. But with every passing day, the distance between us shrank, just a little bit. Weeks slipped by with one failed attempt after another. When one day, the ice broke. I managed to get close enough to her. I reached out...and touched her nose...and she gently, very gently pushed it against my hand. IT FELT AMAZING!
From that point, Fairy and I were inseparable. I spent every single free time with her. 10 minutes here, 20 minutes there...Often slacking off on tasks around the ranch. But, “OH BOY!”, we had such adventures!!!
AND SHE SEEMED TO BE HAPPY AGAIN!
For example, one day, I rode her bareback. For some reason Fairy got spooked. We took a wrong turn. I ended up running face into branches full of thorns. The thorns clawed into my face. I screamed in panic. Fairy got even more spooked and ran even faster. Gosh! XD For two weeks, I looked like Edward Scissorhands. Hilarious!!!
Like any other dreams, this had to end too. After two years, my girlfriend’s family got into a serious debt. They had to sell the ranch, and I’ve never seen a Fairy again. But hat we have had, was something very special. And I will never forget that! I will never forget her! Thank you, Fairy!
I’m really not an expert on horses, not even a novice to be frank. But Fairy taught me some things that not many people get to learn in their lifetime;
One, is that relationships are built and lost through trust.
Two, no one is completely lost. They just have to learn to trust again.
We human beings often make ourselves into "one-person-horse". Like Fairy, we close our hearts...BECAUSE ONCE IT WAS BROKEN!
But by closing off your heart, you’re not just protecting it from being broken again. You protect it from experiencing all the good in life as well. It’s impossible to filter life that way! You either close it from everything, or you open it to everything.
Of course, we need to discern the good from the bad. Of course, we need to discern the helpful from the unhelpful. We have to learn to stand up for ourselves. We have to learn to say "No" or “Sod off” when our boundaries are breached. Sometimes we have to figuratively “SLAP!” our friends into place, when they are lost way too much in the dark.
Sometimes that’s actually the kindest thing to do!
And sometimes we just have to be patient. We have to wait it out, we have to learn and try it again! Sometimes we have to let it go, cry and mourn...
...so at the end of the day, we can dust ourselves off and do the only thing that we can do; TO TRY IT AGAIN!
So don’t be afraid to break your, heart. That’s part of life. Instead, learn to heal and go again. Ask for help, if needed. Getting help is part of life too. Don’t forget we’re in this thing called; “life” together. Many people are embarrassed for asking for help but they shouldn’t be. One of the most mature people I know constantly seeking help. I constantly seek help. Getting support is actually a very brave and healthy thing to do. By you getting the help you need, you’ll be able to help others more! So don’t take it as a weakness, take it as a strength.
It can also be very helpful to remember how we human beings grow. We grow just as much through failure and hurt as through success and joy. Failing is how we gain experience. Hurt is how we gain depth. Instead of armouring your heart, practice something different...
PRACTICE OPENING IT UP AGAIN!
As Rumi, the Persian poet and mystic said;
“You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.”
And I would add; only an open heart fully lives.
Thank you for reading!
From the bottom of my heart,
Viktor Sághy
